President-elect Donald Trump is abandoning his campaign promises faster than you can say, "Lock her up!" — but we're hoping that he maintains his pledge to deport Justin Bieber.
Perhaps you don't remember that one. But Trump's plan to send Bieber back to Canada was the only thing on which the future president and I shared common ground.
And the silver lining on Trump's election is that it looks like he's still on board:
"What we are going to do is get the people that are criminal and have criminal records, gang members, drug dealers, where a lot of these people, probably 2 million, it could be even 3 million, we are getting them out of our country," Trump told Lesley Stahl on "60 Minutes" earlier this month.
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Apparently, Trump was talking about "bad hombres" from Mexico — but if a columnist like me were to take the quote totally out of context, it's clear that he was also talking about Bieber.
And why stop at crooning Canuck Justin Bieber? Here's a list of all the criminal aliens President Trump should consider kicking out:
First, the Biebs
Justin Bieber must be deported because of he is a criminal alien.
(Rob Grabowski/Rob Grabowski/Invision/AP)To give the Biebs the boot, Trump will have to alter national policy. Under President Obama, millions of illegal aliens were indeed deported, but the vast majority were "threats to national security, border security, and public safety," including gang members and convicted felons.
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Bieber is a threat to national taste, certainly, and he has violated at least one neighbor's border security. But so far, Bieber has only two misdemeanors on his record — a conviction in the 2014 egg-toss incident and a guilty plea for resisting arrest after a traffic incident in 2014.
Currently, the Obama Administration deports aliens convicted of felonies or "three or more misdemeanor offenses."
But we all know that two out of three is just as bad. So, Donald, do your duty. More than 273,950 people signed the "Deport Bieber" petitionin 2014, so we know the public is behind you.
Russell Crowe
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Russell Crowe could also be deported.
(Charles Sykes/Charles Sykes/Invision/AP)Clearly, we need to get rid of this New Zealand menace, but the hot-headed Crowe has only been convictedof a single misdemeanor, stemming from the 2005 incident when he threw a phone at a Soho hotel clerk. Had the original felony charge not been reduced in a plea deal, Crowe might have been barred back then.
The public is clearly trying to help Trump make up his mind about Crowe. Last month, singer Azealia Banks claimed that Crowe spit on her during a party in L.A. She filed a police report, which, I'm sure, could be sent to the Oval Office on Jan. 20 if the new occupant is interested.
Naomi Campbell
Naomi Campbell throws cellphones like Aroldis Chapman throws fastballs — but only one should be deported!
(Omar Vega/Omar Vega/Invision/AP)The British-born supermodel has been convicted of assault at least four times after many more allegations. The only problem? Only one was in the United States.
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But given how often she throws cellphones, if she gets hold of a Samsung, it's practically a weapon of mass destruction. The president needs to act preemptively in the name of public safety.
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